Boston, You're My Home

Those who read my regular blog know that my sister-in-law has breast cancer.  At 37, she has an aggressive type which, had it not been for the skilled hands of her OB/GYN, could still be growing rapidly in her body.  In the past two weeks, she has canceled her formal wedding plans, her planned honeymoon to Europe, and undergone two surgeries.

She is also getting on a plane to visit us soon, flying across ten states to see our family before she starts her chemo treatments (her visit has long been planned, and she is determined to make the trip).

When I found out that she was still going to be able to visit, one of the first things I told her was that she should call Dana-Farber and get in to see a breast cancer specialist.  I was careful to tell her that while I thought her doctors at home were likely very competent, and I didn't question their decisions thus far, "when in Rome. . ."

More specifically, when in Boston, avail yourself of some of the top medical minds in the world. 

This can be tricky territory.  I know that some people may have interpreted what I said to her as meddling or showing a distrust of the doctors she has back home.  But, that is not the case.  I have some history here.

Several years ago, my father was diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer.  It had spread to several lymph nodes, he had a large portion of his colon removed and  "cure" was not an option.  Survival, for however long possible, was the only option. 

My sister and I went to him and offered to drive him to and from Boston for treatments.  He refused, saying that it was too much to ask, Boston was too far (44 miles from his home), and he had good doctors nearby.  The doctors he had seemed quite competent, but it drove me crazy that he wouldn't take advantage of the technology, expertise and opinions less than an hour from his doorstep. 

Quite a while after his diagnosis, we finally got him to see a specialist at Dana-Farber.  I know that my dad appreciated our commitment to him, and he liked this doctor very much.  The doctor reviewed my father's medical plan and agreed with his oncologist's proposal.  He also made plans to speak with my dad's oncologist regularly to review the plan for care.

But, there was little anyone could do.  My dad died in December '04, a few months after our meeting at Dana-Farber.   I will never stop believing that perhaps things would have been different if he had gone into Boston earlier.

(and let it be said that I birthed all my children  and had a few medical procedures done at a small, independent local hospital---I am not questioning the competency of such places, but questioning why someone, who is facing choices that can mean life or death, would not try to find the "creme de la creme", especially when "la creme" is so close).

Yesterday, my sister-in-law made an appointment to see a specialist during her visit.  My hope is that they agree with her own doctors' proposal in full, and she can feel confident in her care at home.

However, if after this appointment she says, "boy, I wish I lived in the area so that I could finish treatment up here", I will begin making a bed for her.

Comments

[catnip]

You don't sound like you're meddling at all. You sound like a concerned sister-in-law who only wants the best for her.

Dana Farber is a fantastic place. My father had a consult there for his lymphoma and now they are working in conjunction with his local oncologist to give him the best care possible.

It never hurts to have a second or even third opinion and any doctor who is offended by that is not looking out for the best interests of their patients. Most oncologists would be happy to have advice from Dana Farber.

My best to your sister-in-law.

[Pinks & Blues Girls]

I think it is so wonderful you're being proactive and that you do everything in your power to help the ones you love. I call that being an amazing daughter and sister-in-law. I am so sorry about your father. Your sister-in-law in my thoughts.

Jane

[margalit]

I have sung this song so many times to my friends. I moved back to Boston when I found out how my heart disease was advancing because the medical care in the Bay Area was so bad. And I mean BAD. There is nowhere I'd rather be for medical issues. The choices are so wide and varied and the expertise the best in the world. I just wish I could convince a certain friend in Arkansas to come here for treatment. But alas, that ship has sailed a long time ago.

[Daisy]

Hugs and hoping for the best...my mother and a close friend both had breast cancer, diagnosed within weeks of each other. They are both doing very, very well now. I wish the same for your sister-in-law, no matter where she finds treatment.

[Gruppie Girl]

My toughts are with your family.

Yes! We are so lucky to have the best of the best doctors in Boston. Isn't it amazing to park in the garages and see the plates from all over the country?

My mummy was recently diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer. We did the Dana Farber route only to find a specialist at Tufts. DF doesn't specalize in appendix cancer.

So many hospitals and unfortunately so many sickies.