New England Mamas

I'm (Diaper) Free and Lovin Every Minute of It!

I AM DONE CHANGING DIAPERS! (Notice the Seinfeld reference in the title?  Well, right now I'm doing the Elaine dance.)

Baby became fully potty-trained in a matter of days. I swear it, you guys.

Get this though: I have had been changing diapers for over 6-1/2 years.

That's oh...approximately 2,400 days.  (Yep, I'm a dork and I added it up.)  In a row.

And, in 2004, when Middle was born, both Eldest and Middle were in diapers that summer.  Then, a year later, in the summer of '05 when Baby was born, both Middle and Baby were in diapers.

Of course, I'm not so naive to think that we will actually see any savings now that we are a diaper-free Trenches.  Oh no.

It's called PRESCHOOL PAYMENTS.  And FOOD.  *sigh*

So what's your number?  How many days/years--in a row--have you changed diapers? Anyone ever have, dare I ask, 3 in diapers at once?  (Bless your soul.)

Cross-posted at In the Trenches of Mommyhood

Titles. Tags. And labels. STAY AWAY!

I was at the playground yesterday with the boys. There were 4 other mothers standing around next to me watching their kids play.

None of us had ever met, but we all had kids that were about the same ages - 5 and under.

Out of the 5 of us there, 4 of us had 3 children.  So there were 14 kids playing together.  It was very cute.

But then one of the little boys started crying because his older sister “by mistake” threw sand at him.

This mother (obviously embarrassed) ran over to diffuse the sibling situation.

As she was doing her “thing,” one of the other mothers asked the group of mothers, “So which one is your cry baby?”

Cry baby!? Gee… great term for your child.

All of us were a little stunned by the bluntness.  After all, we just met.

But then… she goes on.

“My oldest is my cry-baby. All he does is whine. My middle daughter is an emotional roller coaster. Drama. Drama. Drama. She’s up, she’s down. And my youngest is my shining star. He’s the easiest child.”

So let me digest.

Older one = cry baby.

Middle one = drama.

Youngest = star.

Can’t see this not messing them up at all. And let me interject that her youngest is exactly Benjamin’s age. He just turned one last week. Let’s face it, anything could happen.

I just sat there listening to 2 of the other mothers “labeling” their kids too. Shy. Outgoing. Reserved. Little clown. Attention-getter. My athlete. My bookworm. Needy. My messy one.

AND LET ME REPEAT… the kids are all 5 and under!  Not one of them is in kindergarten yet! 

And the list went on.

I just kept remembering a family friend once telling my parents in front of Jane and me as kids… “Well, I can tell who the little shy one is out of these two.”

It was me. I must have been about 7 or 8 years old. And I have never forgotten that comment. I never had thought of myself as shy, my parents certainly never called me out on it. I just remember thinking, even at the young age, I will NEVER do that to my kids. I always respected my parents for never “labeling” or “tagging” or putting “titles” to any of us 4 kids.

So William, Alex and Ben… yes, you all have different personalities. It’s a beautiful thing to see. And yes, one of you is a little more comfortable in group situations. And yes, one of you likes to be holding my hand. And yes, one of you attracts a lot of attention from strangers with your funny little antics.

But you will never know which one it is. At least not from me. All of you are the funniest… cutest… most outgoing… and most LOVED little men in my life!

Who Is That Mom?

I have a slightly embarrassing confession to make.  No, nothing really big and juicy but one that makes me laugh ever time I think of it.  With this beautiful weather, I've thought about it quite a few times this past week. 

The summer my older son (OS) was about 20 months, we spent a lot of time at the park.  It was the first summer that he was walking and could really enjoy the equipment.  He particularly liked the little toddler slide at one park.  He would go on it over and over again.  Except for this one day when a bunch of older kids kept climbing back up the slide.  These teenagers 4 year olds didn't even seem aware that OS was trying to go down the slide.  I was really annoyed.  Where were the parents?  All I could see was a bunch of parents standing around talking. 

I was completely irked.  I even emailed my moms group list-serve to ask about the etiquette for this situation.  (This makes me laugh a slightly embarrassed laugh.) I mean surely this rude behavior was an anomaly.  Maybe not.  I witnessed it a bunch of times later on that summer.  Each time I a huffed about it. 

Fast foward to yesterday.  I was at the park with both of my boys who are 4.5 and 21 months.  I was talking to a friend while standing next to the slide that my boys had been using.  I turned around to see a woman standing on the other side looking perplexed as her granddaughter proved unable to go down the slide because my sons were climbing up the slide.  Great.   Nothing like being a hypocrite.  I mumbled an apology, as did the boys, and took them off to climb on a different structure. 

They'll Fight the Law, but the Law Won. . .

I imagine that there are some seven-year-old kids out there in Massachusetts who are taking the news hard. 

"WHAT?  I have to be in a BOOSTER seat?  But, but, but. . .those are for BABIES!!!  I'm too old/big/cool for a booster seat!"

Tough luck, kiddos. 

Last week, Governor Patrick signed a law requiring kids be in a booster seat until the age of eight, or until they reach 4 foot 9 inches in height.  I have no idea what the previous law required since I intend to keep my children in booster seats until the prom.

There are critics of this law.  There are those who feel that it is another case of the government telling us how to parent, how to live.  That instead of teaching parents why they should keep their kids in boosters and then letting them enforce it themselves, we now have "big brother" taking over again.

I understand that complaint.  I'd like to think that most parents would learn about the dangers, would do the right thing. 

But, then I think about an intelligent, caring, but misguided family friend whose tiny elementary-school-age child rides without a booster seat.  Why?  Because they drive a massive SUV and think that  their vehicle's bulk alone will protect them. 

For those kids, and others like them, I am glad to hear that this is now a requirement.

Just don't try to legislate how clean the interior of a car needs to be, OK?

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Yesterday we celebrated my nephew Benjamin's 1st birthday.

When I arrived at my sister Audrey's house, family and friends were talking and laughing, gathering together around the food counter or in the living room or down in the basement.

Kids were running around the house in packs, planning kickball teams and donning their newly-made paper crowns.

There was excitement everywhere. And then I spotted the birthday boy.

Benjamin was clinging to my dad (his "Pop-up") on the couch, while sitting on his lap. His big, round, blue eyes took everything around him in.

"Happy Birthday, Benja!" I exclaimed, giving him a big kiss on his rosy, just-asking-to-be-pinched cheek.

He gave me a little smile, but didn't unclench his fingers from my dad's shirt, and could barely keep his eyes from darting around, following every noise and movement he heard and saw.

He seemed to be thinking, "Why are all these people in my house, and more importantly, when are they leaving?"

It reminded me of one of Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up routines, where once again, he was so spot-on with an observation about everyday life:

"To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's going on.

Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles. You can't do it...you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on?

It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgment. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you, 'These are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.'"

Indeed, when it was time for us to all sing "Happy Birthday" to Benjamin, he glanced around with a look of horror at the two dozen or so people gathered around his high chair.

Our pitch was terribly off-key, but his quivering lower lip seemed to imply that that was the least of his worries.

When Benjamin's eyes found my mom's (his Grandma's) face, he reached out to her hand, which seemed to calm him amidst the confusion.

"Grandma, I would rather be taking a nap right now," he seemed to be telling her.

And as Audrey placed the cupcake with one lit candle in front of him, I couldn't help but think that on any day other than his 1st birthday party, if Audrey were to hand him an object on fire, we would think she's nuts. But on his 1st birthday, we just kind of expect him to rationalize the concept of a lit candle on a cupcake and know what to do.

My husband and I were among the last people to leave Audrey's house at the end of the party. I saw Audrey look around at the empty pizza boxes, the bowls and cups and plates strewn about her kitchen and the new birthday gifts to put away.

But rather than looking like she was dreading getting her house back to normal, instead I saw a look of relief on her face. The party had gone off without a hitch. Everyone had a good time. And now the house was... quiet(er) again.

But no one had a look of relief as clear as Benjamin's. I think for his next birthday, he'll be more prepared.

And he'll try to arrange his nap time accordingly.

- Jane

A Peek Into My Future.

From the first time we seriously considered something was "wrong" with Peanut, I sought out other blogs written by people whose kids were different. It was partly to get some idea of what to look for, partly to hear about therapies and approaches, but mostly it was about finally hearing other parents talk about their day-to-day experiences.  We were doing our best to figure out our son, and it was refreshing after an afternoon of pulling rocks out of his mouth to go home and read about some other kid's meltdowns, and laugh at the humor these men and women found in their experiences.

When you have a child who is not profoundly disabled, it can be very difficult to figure out what is going on with them.  Just like with neurotypical kids, the issues you deal with are fluid and very dependent on the age of your child.  There is a huge amount of growth and change in those first few years that makes it hard to pin down your child at any one point and say, "Is this normal?"  Just when you think you have a handle on it, something changes! We've spent years explaining idiosyncrasies away by saying, "He's mildly autistic," when in reality it was only this past week that we received an official diagnosis.

Over the last few years, each time a new issue or problem with my son would crop up?  I'd head right back to all the blogs I've discovered.  I've found such guidance and strength there, and after reading one heartbreaking post in particular yesterday, I wanted to share the wealth of knowledge and humor that is out there for anyone wondering what to do about their (possibly) delayed child.  I also think (because these particular three are very well-known bloggers) one of the reasons I return over and over is because of all the comments they generate, which in turn have led me to other bloggers.

One of the first blogs I found was Friday Playdate, written by Susan Wagner, whose oldest son Henry has a non-verbal learning disability and other issues that help me predict what school will be like for us.  His experiences and ups and downs, and more to the point, the way Susan and her family cope with grace and humor, has been such a boost to me.  Reading Susan's blog answered questions I didn't even know I had.  My kids are roughly the same ages as hers, and as they get older, I see some of my own experiences mirrored in her posts, which is remarkably reassuring.

Amalah has been making the same journey I did when Peanut was 2.  It is so hard to have such a loving, lovable kid, a kid you just want to snack on, and yet to see in so many ways that he is different and other and Not Like Other Toddlers.  I read Amy's posts and remember so well those feelings and experiences - Peanut has been a snuggly and loving kid from the beginning, so how can he have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder?  Don't all toddlers drool?  Look how affectionate and funny and smart he is!  Look how great his personality is!  Look how many weird things he does... oh.  Right.

Last, but the whole inspiration for this post, is Mir Kamin, from Woulda Coulda Shoulda. She is someone who I look to again and again for parenting guidance, and she would no doubt be appalled to read that.  Mir, and her Monkey, had a tough day yesterday with his sensory processing issues, and reading her post gave me a glimpse of the kind of hurdles we are sure to face in the future.

Every kid is different, but for all the moms and dads out there who are worried by something you see in your child, a great starting point is to find some other parents who are blogging about the way they handle it. Whatever IT turns out to be. Here are some other great bloggers I read with kids who have something different going on, including two of my fellow New England Mamas bloggers*:

Chag at Cynical Dad
Erin at Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
Flea at One Good Thing
Kyron at The Special Parent
Tricia* at Unringing the Bell
Karyn at Vexed in the City
Margalit* at What Was I THINKING?
Maddy at Whitterer on Autism

Please, please, please add links to other blogs you think I should check out in the comments!

Happy First Day of Spring! (Where's the green?)

Spring starts today - that's what the calendar says, anyways. Of course, the gray, windy, weather may beg to differ.

This morning, as I was bundling up the kids and muttering something to myself about March being the cruelest month, forget April *grumble, grumble* my three year old son picked up a discarded catalog from the recycling pile.

"Mama, mama, look, look, you should buy this!" he said excitedly as he pushed a J. Crew catalog between me and his baby brother.

He was pointing at the back cover, where patent leather peep toe shoes mocked me.

"Oh sweetie," I said dumping the catalog so I could bend over and lace up my sensible waterproof shearling boots, "I don't need shoes like that. It's too cold."

"But the green ones are pretty for you Mama! And it will be nice and warm - soon!"

Hang in there Mamas. Spring is on its way. Soon.

Providence Children's Museum

My husband's away on business this week.

Yes, that's right... here I am with 3 boys, and 6 months pregnant, alone for the week and looking for things to do!

Thank goodness for mothers and sisters. Literally.

My mother suggested that each day we do something different... and ALL things to keep the boys busy.

With a 3 year old, a 2 year old and an 11 month old... we're a little limited. We can't go roller skating. We can't even go to the Kids Gym activities at our local YMCA because you have to be 4.

So...

We racked our brains.

Monday was Easter Egg Day. Yes, the "Easter Bunny" came early because the boys have been so "good!"

Tuesday was BOWLING DAY! A fantastic thing to do on a weekday... the bumpers were up, nobody was there, we could be as noisy as we wanted... and the kids had a blast!

Wednesday... now this was the true gem! We went to the Providence Children's Museum! I don't know how many of you out there have been to this museum, but it was perfect!

The boys played in the water room. They played in the RI History rooms. They played on the trucks. And the bridges. They played with the books and the magnets and the legos and the wooden blocks. They played in the animal room. They went into the mirror room.

And... (LOVED THIS!) they played for an hour in the Little Woods Room. Yes, this heavenly safe zone for kids 4 and under was the perfect place for the boys to romp, roll and play. The treehouse. The cave. The slide. The "rocks." And the infant pillow/cushion haven for my little guy Ben.

It was the BEST place to let everyone "go"....

If you haven't checked out the Providence Children's Museum... it's a wonderful place to hang out. A lot smaller than the Boston Children's Museum... but the perfect size for little guys looking to let some energy out and just have a grand old time!

- Audrey

Dance, Grandma... Dance!

This morning, Audrey and her little family came to Grandma and Pop-up’s (that's what they call Grandpa) for breakfast.

And there are many “rules” to breakfast with three little guys, a pregnant mama and one hungry daddy. 

First, the bacon must be already sizzling when they arrive.  Audrey loves the sounds and aromas of bacon.  It reminds her of going to her Nana Flo’s house for breakfast when she was a little girl.  Nana Flo had the not-so-secret-anymore recipe of mixing bacon grease (I can’t believe I’m sharing this compete-and-total saturated fat secret) with her pancake batter to create the most delectably crunchy pancakes imaginable, and Pop-up has mastered the art. And oh yeah, Audrey has craved bacon this entire pregnancy with her little Henry!

Second, and very important… the coffee must be ready.  Not brewing.  Ready.   

Third, Pop-up better not have already mixed the pancake batter.  3-year old William loves to help Pop-up measure and combine the eggs, milk and batter into the smooth and creamy mix.  And he loves to chat with Pop-up about the entire process.

Next, it is a pretty good idea for me to have 11-month old Benjamin’s oatmeal cereal and bananas ready.  Benjamin has to be the easiest baby I have ever met, but the little guy loves his morning meal!   

Last, I should have 2-year old Alexander’s counter space pretty clear.  He must climb by himself onto his stool at the counter where he can color with his crayons ‘til the “pancanks” are served.

And everything went as expected… except for Ally.  He sauntered into our house holding his Little Tykes boom box.  Without taking off his coat or hat, he pressed a couple of buttons on his boom box and said to me, “Dance, Grandma.”

“Okay, Honey.”  This is what Grandmas do. 

So I moved my arms a little while simultaneously helping Audrey with coats, hats and mittens.  This is what Moms do.

“DANCE, Grandma!” was Ally’s response to my “dancing.”

A couple more buttons.  Another little tune.  “Okay.”  Now I move my arms a little more rhythmically and add leg movement.

Well, not rhythmically enough.

“DANCE, Grandma… DANCE,” was Ally’s response to my obviously pathetic attempt at breakfast disco.

So I danced.  Arms.  Legs.  Spins.  Dips.  Twist.  Freakin’ Limbo. 

I danced to Little Tykes with wild abandon. 

Let me just say here that I cocktail waitressed my way through college (one very long stint where my “uniform” was a red tie-up-the-center corset with white ruffled panties… yes), and I was often on-duty for morning/breakfast business meetings where pillars of society asked me if I “danced.”  Well, no.  But that was the early 70’s. 

And anyway, I guess all that waitressing and hey-she-looks-like-a-dancer prepared me in great measure for my darling little grandson asking his Grandma to get her groove on.   

Hey, at least he didn’t toss me a quarter.

That’s a lesson for another breakfast.

Thanks, Little Ally… you made my day!

- Sharon

My Ultimate: House Party Time!

("My Ultimate" will run most Tuesdays and will feature any topic that hops into my head.  The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the other New England Mamas. . . although they should).

First, a confession:  I have control issues.   And, I'm cheap.

I think these reasons pretty much sum up why my kids have never had a birthday party at a "do it all for you" place.  We've attended parties at several local gyms, a couple YMCA's, a Children's Museum,a  crafts store, an ice cream parlor, a swing set store, a  girlie "makeover" spot, and even a pirate ship in the ocean.   The kids have loved these parties, and I've been tempted to try out several places for ourselves.  Most recently, I was enthralled with the idea of hosting a party at the new indoor water park,  CoCo Keys in Danvers.   But when I saw that a weekend party would set me back at least $490 (never mind the cost of gas to get us all to Danvers), I knew this wasn't going to happen.

The other reason I don't hand the reigns over to someone else is that I really enjoy planning parties  (it is the execution of them that I don't love so much, but "Mommy-for-a-day" rentals aren't so easy to find).   I've gotten ideas from the kids (of course), from books and magazines, from websites, and from friends.  To manage costs (and reduce the amount of crap I need to buy), I search the house for decorations and props.  If I don't have it, I try to borrow it from someone who does. 

So, here is a short list of some of the best birthday parties we've either hosted or attended in someone's home.   I'm leaving off some of the really fun ones that ended up either being expensive or time-consuming  (so, the Luau of '06,  isn't making the cut).

1.  Favorite Color Party:  This is best for a first birthday party since, chances are, the child hasn't the ability to voice their preferences and would be satisfied with a cupcake at dinner.  For our son's first birthday, I walked around the house and saw that we had a lot of "red" things, so "RED" was the theme.   Red balls, red trucks, Elmo and Clifford were all over the room.  Red streamers, balloons, plates & cups were easy to purchase.  The cake had red balloons all over it.  We all wore red shirts or pants and served pizza, watermelon & strawberries, fruit punch and Killian's Irish Red beer (for the grownups of course). 

2.  Extreme Gross-Out Party:   We attended this party in the back yard of friends.  Activities included "ant eating" (licking black sprinkles off a plate without using your hands); "catch the crickets and worms" (alive and put into a large box; each child was given a little plastic insect 'house' in which to place their booty); "find the bugs" (plastic ones were hidden throughout the yard).  This type of party has loads of variations from a Fear Factor theme to a Bug theme, and can be as elaborate or as low-key as you want.

3.  Pretend Sleep Over:  For my oldest's seventh birthday, we had a 'pretend' sleepover which ranks as one of my favorites for its simplicity and fun.  Girls were invited to arrive at dinnertime, dressed in PJ's and bringing a pillow.  The TV room was decorated with silver stars hanging from the ceiling and white Christmas lights hung from the walls.  On the floor, I had several sleeping bags and blankets.  Activities included decorating white pillow cases and getting a manicure (I enlisted two neighborhood tweens to help out).  The girls held their own impromptu dance party before having cupcakes and ice cream and opening gifts.  A little after 8pm, I gave each girl a little popcorn box filled with microwave popcorn and turned on a movie in the TV room.   Parents arrived at pickup to find the girls quietly watching the movie, munching popcorn and relaxing on the sleeping bags and pillows.  Their goodie bag contained breakfast for the next morning (a Poptart, juice box and fruit). 

4.  Fire truck party:  A few years ago, my girls attended a party with a fire truck theme.  The highlight of this party was when a real fire truck arrived in the driveway to surprise the guests.  The gracious firefighters let the kids pose on the front of the truck and even squirt some water from the hose.  This party requires some pre-planning and a backup plan since the mother knew that if there was an emergency in town, there would be no truck.   But, it went off without a hitch and was a huge hit with all the kids.

5.  Hello Kitty party:  If forced to do a 'character' party, I'd pick Hello Kitty over just about anyone else.  First, the decorations are adorable and readily available.  Second, you get to make a cake the looks like this:

. . .or cupcakes that look like these:

6.  Ice Cream Party (this one is currently in the planning stages):   My middle child is turning five and loves ice cream, hence the theme for this party.  For her invitations, I cut out cone shapes from construction paper and had her color big round 'scoops' which were glued on top.   Her 'cake' will be cupcakes baked into flat-bottomed ice cream cones and covered in mound of frosting.  We will have a sundae bar with loads of toppings.  Favors will be little plastic ice-cream-cone-shaped bubbles along with a coupon for a cone at a local shop.   

The next party after this will be my son's fourth birthday, to be held in September.  Any ideas?