New England Mamas

Gay Marriage in New England

As of today, Massachusetts is no longer the only state to allow the legal marriage of same sex partners. California's Supreme Court just struck down a ban on gay marriages, making it the second state in the union to allow same sex marriages. Tiny Massachusetts has allowed gay marriages for a few years now, and funny thing.... nothing in the state has really changed. Most couples that marry here in MA are your regular bride and groom couples. But not all. For that most of the state is thankful. But not all. There are always going to be people that speak of same sex marriages as an abomination, against the bible, and will fight to strike down the law. Thankfully, they remain in the minority. 

What interests me about our New England area is that every state save Rhode Island allows some sort of domestic partnerships. Same-sex marriage is recognized only in Massachusetts, but four states -- Vermont, New Jersey, Connecticut and New Hampshire -- have civil unions. California has been one of five states -- along with Hawaii, Maine, Washington and Oregon -- with domestic partnership or reciprocal benefits laws that provide some marriage-like rights to same-sex couples. Now, of course, California joins Massachusetts in providing full legal rights to same sex couples.

What is about New England that makes us so much more accepting of same sex unions? It isn't that we're more liberal. I think anyone who has set foot in New Hampshire realizes that it isn't the most liberal state in the union by any means. It has nothing to do with the weather, right? So what is it that makes our little corner of the country welcome same sex couples?

I love that my city in MA has performed almost 300 same sex marriages since the law changed in 2004. These are all families living in our small city, sending their kids to our schools, and voting in our town elections. They are our neighbors, our friends, our classmates, and our fellow congregants. We live in harmony, we see no differences between these families and another other family. In the almost 4 years since MA has legalized gay marriage, nothing untoward has happened. We haven't legalized bestiality, incest, or any other of the horrors predicted by opponents of this law. In fact, life has gone on and same sex marriages barely ever even pass our minds. It's just another fact of life here in MA. I would dare to say that this is the same in other parts of New England, were domestic partnership has removed so many of the fears and worries of gay families, especially with regards to medical proxies and legal decisions.

So congratulations to California. And hopefully the rest of the country will eventually follow suit.

Local politics are better than television around here

It's been quite a week here in our fair city. I don't even think I can capture the insanity of it all, but I'll try to give you a bit of a peek into what happens when an entire city divides over money. You know, the root of all evil? Money, where some of the people have way more than enough, and some of the people have a lot less than they need. Money, which divides our city geographically, with the North being the less well endowed (monetarily, at least) and the South being where much of the Big Money resides. But not all of it. It's all an impression, anyhow.

So let's see what's been happening this week.

First, we have an override campaign in full swing. What's an override campaign? Oh goodness me, it goes way back to the 1980's when a certain bitch from Marblehead decided that she paid too much in state taxes and brought forth a law called Proposition 2.5, very similar to California's Proposition 13. The law states that the cities and towns cannot raise property taxes by more than 2.5% per year without an override vote. This vote means the entire town has to come out to approve any tax increase over the 2.5% raise per year. Since inflation alone gobbles up more than the 2.5% per year, cities and towns in MA have been slowly but surely cutting services they can no longer afford. Services for veterans, children, the handicapped, the poor, the elderly, the roads, the buildings, the entire state infrastructure. You name it, we can no longer afford it.

In our city the fire stations and falling apart. They are in horrid disrepair. Plus the firefighters are at war with the Mayor over a stupid mayoral policy about sick days, and so the Mayor has effectively reduced the fire department to an unsafe size. We've gotten rid of a lot of the po-po (no great loss as far as I'm concerned), our bridges are falling down, our school buildings are in such serious need of repair that we are in trouble with state inspectors. Our city hall itself is in pretty poor shape with a leaky roof and peeling plaster.

Needless to say, our city desperately needs an override. The money the Mayor is asking for, $12 million, is designated mostly for upgrading the schools. They need it, everyone in the city agrees that some schools are literally bursting at the seams from overcrowding while the school bathrooms are falling apart, the ceilings contain asbestos and lord only knows what else, and the roofs are leaking. We need to repair these buildings.

BUT... the city, in it's ultimate bizarro decision, also voted to rebuild one of our two high schools. Not only did they decide to rebuild, they hired architect Graham Gund,  a famous residential/commercial architect who has never designed a school building. Yes, his buildings are gorgeous. No argument here. But he designed a building for our new high school that is literally an homage to a VERY unpopular Mayor, with glass walls and a big zig zag design that will be very difficult to heat and air-condition. A design many people (myself included) thought was way over the top and way too expensive.

The city was so divided over the rebuilding of the high school that we held a vote just a year ago, and the people (not me) voted to use Gund's site plan and design. Sigh. So we're building the most expensive high school in Massachusetts at a whopping $197 million, but not by ANY means the most expensive high school in the country, despite what claims are made by the folks against any tax override/hike.

OK, with me so far?

So we have two sides, the people that are rabid Mayor haters and see a conspiracy behind every door. And the rest of us, who aren't happy with the Mayor but believe that improvements to the city's infrastructure are desperately needed.

Back to the override campaign. Again, the city is divided. The No voters, the people who would rather pull out their own teeth rather than to pay one more cent in taxes, are totally up in arms about allowing the Mayor another $12 million to "mismanage." The Yes voters believe that the Board of Alderman (BOA) along with the Mayor will use this money to fix the damn schools and fire stations.

Meanwhile, the city is getting major bad press in the Globe and the Herald and the whole state is laughing at us because we're seen as this richy-rich suburb that doesn't want to fix anything, while the Mayor is being portrayed as a total buffoon. Pretty accurately, IMO.

This week, the Mayor, in what can be seen as the worst case of bad timing ever, decides that he's going to increase his salary along with the salaries of many other city employees. OMG, you cannot believe the fallout. This got NATIONAL attention. Now there is background to this. In 2005 the Mayor was granted a salary increase by the BOA, which he declined. And declined again every year. He's only paid $87K to manage over 3000 employees in a city of ~90K residents. He's not only not near the top of the highest paid city employees, he's really poorly paid compared to other Mayors in comparable towns. So he decided that he would take the increase this week.

And the shit hit the fan!

Now, in all fairness to our Mayor, I believe that he should be making more. And the deal is, his pension is based upon the last three years of employment, so raising his salary for the last 2 years of his gig makes total sense for his pension protection.

But try and tell that the the malcontents.

Then they Mayor backed down and said he would NOT take the pay raise.

Hysteria ensued.

The local paper challenged the Mayor to say he would not run for another term (he has a year left) in order to get the override passed.

Then we all sat and waited.

State employees also asked the Mayor to step aside. As did members of the BOA.

This morning the Mayor held a press conference and said that he would not run for re-election.

Following this statement, the malcontents started on the city blog, saying that it was a 'trick' and that voting No on the override is the only way to get a message through to the Mayor. They don't seen to understand that we're not talking about the Mayor suffering, we're talking about the city workers, the children in schools, the firefighters.

Yes, it has been a very busy week in town. Every citizen I know is talking about our local politics much more than the national election. It's been so exciting and crazy here, we just about forgot there even IS a national election. We're all for Obama anyhow! Except the malcontents. They're Republicans. What a shock, eh?

bama bama mobama

bama bama mobama

 

banana fana O bama

 

fee fi fo bama

 

OOOOOBAAAAMA.

 

OK, so the Democratic Underground got there before me. But between the inescapable coverage in the Globe of all things Obama (remind me to point out later the almost hysterically obvious visual campaigning for the Big O...all those ridiculously silly shots of Hillary we've seen over the past months were chosen for a reason) and the strains of Sha Na Na's contribution to Blue Moo, (“Banana nana nana nana nana na na na.” very catchy...and no, I'm am NOT making any sort of stupid racial editorial comment*) it was inevitable. I had to write it out to escape it's insidious hold on my brain. Like the home remedy of singing a song that has been going through your head over and over and over to stop it.

 

I voted for Hillary in the primary. I had many reasons. First and foremost is that she is everything Obama is not. She is not glamorous, or sexy (to me, at any rate), she isn't a fabulously talented orator. But damn, is the woman a fighter.

 

At that point, I was leery (and still am, quite frankly) of the groupie mentality I saw in some of Obama's supporters. I know my low tolerance for hard selling, so I kept my exposure to propaganda to a minimum. I had no real bones to pick with either candidate. Either one would be a vast improvement over who is “in charge” now. Through the last months, we've seen the gloves come off, the mud fly, and they both have managed to pick themselves up out of the dirt. Filthy, but standing. I'm glad Hillary went after Obama the way she did. Beyond seeing her at her most unreasonably aggressive self, we were able to at least glean how Obama might deal with the full-fledged Republican attacks which may be in his future. And let's face it, the Republicans want Hillary to go up against McCain. They know they could slaughter her before she even got to the house.

 

Because Hillary made mistakes. She made experience a big part of her platform. Then she proceeded to do what many of us do on our resumes. Embellish the hell out of it. Some might say fabricate the hell out of it. Whatever. It all part of the game. Every damn politician out there is doing it. But if she goes up against McCain, a big part of her campaigning will become useless. And she's got Bill baggage. The one thing she really has, a workable healthcare plan, will not be enough to beat the brutality of the Republican machine once it breaks out it's battering ram. The mud slinging will become shit hurling. I will stop reading the paper.

 

So what, you may be wondering, inspired this 30 something white woman to write about this demonic circus?

 

I watched Obama speak. Specifically, his March 18^th address in Philadelphia. And I saw in his candor about his response to the incendiary words of his “former pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright” my own thoughts, my own experiences. It brought back my days of participating in training exercises at Women in Transition that enlightened all of us young counselors as to exactly what privileges are, and how we benefited or suffered from them. I too, have relatives whose racial prejudices make my teeth grind. I have ancestors who hid their racial identities because it was dangerous not to do so. Once upon a time, it was dangerous to be Penobscot. It was dangerous to be Irish. And look where we are now. We have a long way to go, but now I can proudly state my ancestry in a way that was impossible for my great grandparents to do.

 

Obama is a magnificent orator, he has stage presence, gravity, and yes, he looks almost presidential. Almost, because he is missing a key facial expression. I don't believe, (and you can correct me on this, if you please, if I missed it) the mashed lips that seem to be part and parcel of almost every candidate today. The look that says they have lost control, that they are on the defensive, that they are hiding baggage. He didn't have it.

 

So I say almost presidential. He has created an image of himself that is hard to resist. Upright, realistically hopeful, self actualized. When was the last time I listened to someone and thought...here is someone who could be a hero? Or even more...someone to look up to, as well as a good man. A real man. Not an ol' boy, like those that populate the White House. So what if he doesn't pick up his socks? Neither does my husband. So what if he doesn't have experience. Neither did Lincoln, and where would we be without him?

 

I wish Barack well. I hope for him. I want to believe in him. This is beginning to sound like a religious conversion, so I think I'll wrap this up.

 

I'd like to leave you all today with the 3 year old Impling's nature prose, observed and composed during a leisurely stroll through the streets of Brookline, and here by her specific request:

 

“They are Spring bare branches!”

*This would be particularly ridiculous of me since I think I might be on the brink of a big O conversion.

Another Day at the Office

Have you been watching this nonsense with Eliot Spitzer in New York? And if so, is your forehead also sore from pounding it on the nearest brick wall?

Let's just ignore the politics and criminal activity for a moment, shall we? Because the solicitation of prostitution, the wiring of funds and thereby engaging in organized crime, the interstate commerce violations, the abuse of political power... whatever, someone else will say it better than I will, not to mention saying it a lot more often.

Let's instead think about this fine, upstanding married father of three teenage girls. What must it do to one's development of silly, nonessential traits like a sense of self, regard for men in general, healthy sexuality, to have one's father embroiled in a very public, well-documented, detail-intensive sex scandal involving prostitutes and abuse of power?

There's his wife, too, who is currently doing the glassy-eyed one-Ativan-too-many supportive-wife gaze at press conferences because Eliot sporting a black eye to match Silda's sprained wrist would be unsightly for the news cameras. What goes on inside your head, when all you want to do is get away from the man for a while, possibly after separating him from a few key body parts, but you feel pressured to put on a political, public façade? How long does it take to stop hating yourself for getting caught up in a machine so much larger than you are, one that has started to attack your home life and your children's well-being?

But, never fear, permanent emotional scars aside, there is a moment of levity in all of this. David Paterson is Eliot's lieutenant governor, the next in line should Mr. Spitzer be asked to relocate himself to the nearest federal-run razor-wire-and-matching-clothes facility. He is black, and legally blind. Good for him, and I'd love to see him take a few steps ahead in the power game without needing his boss to screw up so profoundly first. Not to mention that he can now, in full honesty, say, "I didn't see anything."

---

Cross-posted at One More Thing.

The forgotten state

Have you heard? There are some BIG presidential primaries taking place today!

Ohio!

Texas!

Oh, and VermontandRhodeIsland.

I don't know about my fellow New England mamas in Vermont, but this Rhode Island mama feels a little left out of all the excitement.

Yes, Hillary made an appearance here a few weeks ago. Bill Clinton made a speech here on Friday. And Obama spoke to a big crowd here on Saturday.

But other than that, we've been pretty ignored. We're not one of the "big two" states that will be a determining factor in whether or not Hillary will continue to run. It's all about Ohio and Texas.

That's OK, though. I will still make my way to the poll today and make my vote, even though I'm still technically undecided.

Wish me luck - I've heard the poll venues are jam packed today. Yes, even in little ol' forgotten Rhode Island!

- Jane

Our Boys in Suits

Yesterday many of the Red Sox visited the White House to show George Bush the World Series trophy. They were all dressed to the nines, even Curt Shilling. Not surprising, Bush made a gaffe and insulted first Manny and then Paperbaum. So not funny.

After the White House, the Sox visited Walter Reed Hospital to cheer up the many very wounded soldiers home from the middle east. They all talked about how moving it was to be able to talk to the soldiers and know that they were giving them something really special; time with their favorite players.

The Sox looked so exceptionally handsome I wanted to share some photos.

Tim Wakefield looking particularly spiffy in classic gray.

Julio Lugo in classic black.

Yummy Jason Varitek in a gorgeous charcoal very well fitting suit.

Because I needed to see the ocean

I picked Kiddo up yesterday and surprised her by saying "let's go to the beach."

"Can't we just go home?  I'm tired"

"Kiddo, I really need to see the ocean"

So off we went, north on 495, taking the back way through Amesbury, through the center of Newburyport, past my dad's old house, and straight on to Plumb Island.   I hyped it as a road trip when really I just needed some time in a place that was serene and familiar.  Sure, I know the Pats' loss on Sunday really isn't important in the big scheme of things- the guys on the team are fantastically talented multi-millionaires.  They'll bounce back. Still,  I couldn't help but feel crestfallen, and more than a little sad. 

I have a friend who's on assignment in Iraq right now.  He wrote an amazing post about watching the game in Baghdad with a bunch of servicemen and journalists from Massachusetts.  It's amazing how something so apparently simple as a sporting event can make strangers come together in a moment that feels like home.  I told him that it seemed as though the Boston media just sort of decided not to talk about the game yesterday.  Thank goodness for Super Tuesday and visits from Hillary and McCain. 

I find so much comfort in being near the ocean.  We walked the shore and collected shells and picked up some garbage.  Went to the Parker River wildlife refuge and I talked to Kiddo about salt marsh habitats and brackish estuaries and coastal ecosystems and how we're all connected and that losing even one plant or animal can have an effect on the entire community.

In an attempt to escape, however briefly, I was reminded of how connected we all are, and how much we depend on one another.  And as we drove home the gathering clouds blocked the colors of the sunset, but not the sun. The days are getting longer.  Spring is coming.  There is hope.

And in nine days, pitchers and catchers report.

Supah Tuesday

Whatever about the Super Bowl, I can't wait until Super Tuesday.  I've already informed my husband that I shall be monopolizing the television that day.  All day.  MSNBC is going to start election coverage at, like, 6 a.m..  I may have to fight my toddlers over this - they are little Noggin addicts - and pray that they take  a nice, long nap.  I'm going to be in political geek heaven.  It's too bad I don't know any other like-minded people or I'd have a primary party. 

The endorsement of Barack Obama by Ted Kennedy was interesting to see.  According to several sources, including The Huffington Post, Kennedy really gave Bill Clinton an earful, saying his comments were inappropriate for a former president.   I couldn't agree more.  Those few days when Bill Clinton was out there making remarks made me lose a lot of respect for the man and he was someone that I really liked and respected.  It's disappointing and I'm sick of being disappointed by the Clintons. 

When the New York chapter of N.O.W. said that Kennedy's endorsement of Obama was a betrayal of all women, I cringed.  I don't know how his endorsement is a betrayal of anything.  Am I betraying all women by voting for Obama?  I don't think so.  I'm not going to vote for someone just because she's a woman.  If I don't like her, why should I vote for her?  Shouldn't I base my vote on issues, not on gender or race?  It seems to me that N.O.W. is endorsing Hillary Clinton simply because she is a woman, not because of anything she's done for women.  I won't vote for her because she voted for the war in Iraq, plain and simple.   And now she's saying that she didn't expect Bush to use the use of force resolution to go to war.  Um, duh.  Jesus.  I know she's not a stupid person, but man, that sure makes her seem like one.   

My other beef with Hillary Clinton is that she stayed with Bill after he left office, not out of any love for him but for purely political reasons.  It was cold and calculating and I think she would have scored more points by leaving him and then going on to be elected to the Senate.   She has relied on his good reputation and the fondness that people still have for him to boost herself politically.  She's ridden his coattails into the Senate and now on to the Presidential primary.  It annoys the shit out of me.  If she wants to be a strong woman, she should stand on her own two feet and prove that she is capable of being president, that she doesn't need her husband to get her there.

Here's hoping that something gets decided on Tuesday.  I don't know if my nerves can take much more of this. 

Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around

"Mom, she hit me."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Mom, he's being mean about me."

"Am not!"

"Are too!

"Stop touching me!

"No, you stop touching me!"

"Ok, you two!  Knock it off right now or we won't go one foot further.  I'll turn this car around and we'll go home."

My interpretation of the recent debate and subsequent speeches given by Clinton and Obama.   Seriously, doods.  Cut the shit.  I hate that crap.  Grow up, suck it up and stop taking these petty, stupid swipes at each other.  It's not making either of you look smart or like you're the candidate for change - which, by the way, I'm going to puke if I have to hear one. more. time.  It's making you look petty and small and like every other politician out there.  If there's one thing that doesn't epitomize change, it's these stupid, juvenile squabbles. 

I'm starting to think about giving my vote to Edwards.  I really can't stand to listen to much more of this crap.  It's bugging the hell out of me that Bill Clinton is doing a lot of the sound bites.  I can understand him campaigning for his wife - that's his right.  But to continually smear Obama somehow diminishes him.  He was the president.  Maybe I'm being naive, but somehow, it seems a president should be above that type of campaigning.  Bill Clinton is such a wonderful and persuasive speaker, I don't think he needs to sink to those levels.

I hope to hell this stops soon.  I can't take another couple of months of this crap.  I already listen to this from a couple of toddlers every day.  I don't want to turn on the TV and see it there, too.

(In a total aside, did you see that Johnny Damon endorsed Rudy Giuliani?  Way to jump on to another sinking ship, there, Johnny boy.)

The Las Vegas Debate

Did you watch the debate the other night?  I did.  It was remarkably civil  - I expected them to all join hands and sing Kumbaya at the end of it - and I really liked that they were sitting around a table rather than haranguing each other from behind the barrier of a podium. 

But, um, did I miss something?  Because it seems to me like these three are all running on the same platform, barring a few minor differences.   Clinton is slightly more hawkish than the other two, but not by a whole heck of a lot.  Edwards is completely against nuclear power plants.  Edwards, over all, seemed to have the most thought out environmental platform.  The other two were a little vague.  Not too vague, they just didn't have as many concrete ideas and plans as Edwards. 

• They all want to have stricter gun regulations, with Clinton having regulation ideas already mapped out.  They all want to ban assault weapons.

• They all believe that lobbyists and big business should be kept out of government.  After this past administration, this is a bit of a gimme.  No kidding.  I think all the candidates are saying that right now, Democrat and Republican alike.

• They all talked the same talk about health care, education and the economy, again, with slight differences here and there.

• Tim Russert, one of the moderators, asked them to promise that they'd pull troops out of Iraq by 2009.  All of them said they would, with the caveat being troops required to protect the US Embassy and the American civilians living there.  All of them said they would not have permanent bases in Iraq, but would have one in Kuwait as a quick reaction force.

So while it was a nice, civil and sometimes-entertaining debate, there was nothing to make one candidate stand out over another for me.  I still know who I'm voting for - the debate didn't change my mind on that one - but for anyone waffling, I don't think this clarified a thing. 

I hope the next debate,  on January 21, in Myrtle Beach, SC, is a little more exciting.  I don't want to see them bashing each other - I hate that crap - but it would be nice to hear how they are different.  If they even are....