Teens

April 26, 2008

Why school vacations suck for parents

Once again, it's school vacation time. Yes, we just DID have a vacation about 6 weeks ago, but you know our poor little children are so stressed out by the terrible big bad school that we need yet another week off. That would be a week in late December, then another one in mid-February, and this one in mid-April. Gack!

The problem isn't that the kids are home. In fact, most of the time I like them home a lot more than I like them in school. The problem is, school vacations are really dangerous territory for teenagers staying around town. Like mine. They get into all sorts of trouble, and the trouble almost always revolves around alcohol, drugs, sex, and lying to their parents. My kids... oh, they're pretty much familiar with all those bad things these days. Just like all the other teens are.

This vacation my daughter didn't even get one day off before she ended up grounded. She invited a friend over. A friend she is NOT allowed to hang out with. A friend who has very sticky fingers and a much to familiar view of our upstairs medicine cabinet, if you get my drift. So my daughter had her freakout and now spends the day drooping around the house crying about how B.O.R.E.D. she is. Awwww. So sad. Too bad.

My son has been hanging out with his friends, but while he was out this evening I found an empty rum bottle in his room. He's grounded forever. I'm furious. He tried hard to blame it on his sister, the one that doesn't drink alcohol. Um, not working. So off to bed he went, screaming at my evident inability to be a good parent. Oh, my feelings are HURT!  I may  never get over it!

Of course, just who is it who is really punished by this school vacation. Yes, it's me. The parent. The one with two grounded kids. Again.

And if anyone even reminds me that summer's coming, I'm gonna scream!

April 12, 2008

What? How did this happen?

My son is exceptionally lazy. He's a smart kid, nice much of the time, but that child needs a firecracker lit under his ass to make him move.  He's just not lazy, he's slothlike. Getting him to perform is almost impossible without bribery and coercion. Not that I have a problem with bribery and coercion. When you are working with teenagers, you honestly have little choice but bribery or coercion.

This kid is a junior in high school and as far as I can remember, he has never ever done a lick of homework at home. He says he does it at school, but most of the time his report cards come with comments about how much work he's missing. Oh, he still gets decent grades because he's wicked smart, but he would do so much better if he ever made any attempt to do his homework. Since this is a battle we've been fighting since first grade, I long ago bowed out, determining that it was his responsibility to earn his own grades. Yeah, I'm the mean mom that never did the science projects.

Today his 3rd term report card arrived. I opened it up with my usual trepidation, knowing that it would both reflect his intelligence and his laziness. Imagine my shock when there wasn't one comment about missing homework. And even more shocking, all A's. The child has finally, in the third term of his junior year, figured out that his grades count.

I am a proud proud mother tonight. I know it took much longer than it should have, but he learned his lesson before he finished high school, which is about 4 years earlier than I learned this same lesson. With all A's for this and next term, his chances at colleges in the top tier vastly improve.

I wish I could promise each parent reading this who has a lazy kid that eventually your child will get it. I hope that for each and every one of you, I really do. But even if it takes much much longer than you ever thought it would, there is always hope. If MY kid can get it, believe me, any kid can!

March 22, 2008

Now Why Should She Clean Up?

This morning my industrious daughter decided to make pancakes. She had a friend over, so she thought it would be a nice idea to have a family breakfast. I was upstairs reading a book when she started this endeavor. She was cooking for 3 teenagers and 1 adult.

First she came up to ask me how to half the recipe on the box. Math isn't anyone's strong suit in this family. Next she came up to ask me which pan to use. I reminded her that we have a griddle that she could use. I told her where it was, but on the way downstairs she forgot and had to yell up to ask me again.

For a bit after that it was quiet and I could smell the sweet odor of pancake batter hitting the griddle. Engrossed in my novel, I didn't pay much attention to what was going on until I heard an incredibly shrill voice at tip top volume yell, "Don't TOUCH those pancakes. I did all the cooking myself and you didn't help at all and now you want to eat them before I had a chance to even finish. GO SIT DOWN AND WAIT LIKE A HUMAN BEING."  She was yelling at her brother. "That's my girl"  I thought. Good for her for sticking up for herself and her pancakes.

When they were ready, she was astounded to see how many she made. Mountains of pancakes. Mounds of them on three plates. Big giant mounds. It was like she was feeding an army or something. 

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Everyone had a big plate and there were tons left over. She put them away and walked away from the dishes, which sat all afternoon. After her friend left,  I sent her to do the dishes and she started yelling at me. "Why should I do the dishes? I cooked all those pancakes for you guys while you sat around and did nothing."

I reminded her that she cooked the pancakes on her own terms. Nobody asked her for pancakes. But she did cook them, and since it was her friend, she needed to clean up her own mess.

She did, but she's so not happy about it.

The rest of us? We're in a pancake stupor over here.

March 16, 2008

Announcing a brand new blog!

Hi fellow New England Moms,

Several months ago, a few women determined that we weren't getting quite the representation we needed from the blogosphere. We're older moms with older kids. Kids in high school or college, or even beyond college. We needed a community for us, the mid-century moms. After some discussion, MidCentury Modern Moms was born. We've been posting there, and we've been adding some fine writers as well.

Now we're ready for our grand opening. We want to welcome you all to MidCentury Modern Moms, where parenting teens is our daily job. We're a diverse group of moms, with a very diverse group of teens and young adults. Some of us are experiencing the empty nest syndrome, while others of us can't wait to get our smelly teens off to college!

To welcome you in grand style, we'll be offering a contest. Yes, free stuff! Everyone's favorite. The contest entails reading the archives to answer some key questions. It will be up in the next day or two, so keep your eyes sharply peeled.


See this beautiful banner. It's the work of my very special friend, Secret Agent Josephine. Doesn't it look kinda familiar? It's my family! Even the Worthless Pet is there. She's such a wonderful artist. Go and give her some special loving while she's vacationing in Hawaii.

And don't forget to visit us every day at MidCentury Modern Moms. I can promise you, even if your kids are still small, there's plenty to learn about teens at MCMM. It's not all scary, either!

February 16, 2008

My kid gets more mail than I do

AboutumassIn the past week or so, our house has been inundated with mail from colleges. My son in a junior and it's that time. But lordy, I had no inkling that there were so many colleges out there interested in a non-motivated screw-up that's very very smart. You would think colleges would be a bit more selective, especially after reading all those articles about how hard it is to get into the top tier schools. Well, maybe the top tier doesn't want to look at my son, but everyone else is madly courting him. It's so weird. A week ago this kid had no interest whatsoever in college. I mean, he knew he would be going to college 'eventually' but mostly he wanted to take a gap year to grow up a bit. I'm rooting for the gap year for a variety of reasons, but mostly because he'll be 16 when he graduates and that is just too young for college.

We've met with the school college and career counselor just this week, and we've spoken to the guidance counselor as well. My son stated his goal, which I blanched at, and I stated my goal, which he blanched at. So far, we're stuck with several paths to look into.

What surprised me most about all this college mail was the number of colleges in the New England region I've never even heard of. When you think colleges in MA, you think BU, BC, Harvard, MIT, Tufts, Wellesley and maybe Smith. All first or top second tier schools. Big expensive private schools. But you don't think of Western New England College, or Westfield State College, both in the western part of MA. UMass is off pretty much every parent's radar due to the hideous campus, the terrible reputation as ZooMass, and the numerous bad years where Massachusetts forgot it even had a land grand university out in Amherst.

I'm excited to begin this long process of making such a monumental decision but because I didn't grow up here, I'm unfamiliar with many of the smaller good New England based colleges. Therefore, I'm reaching out to you readers to help suggest colleges you know and love. Nothing top tier, there's no way the kid could handle the pressure, but the good second tier schools. Smaller is better, but too small is too expensive!

So what say you all?

December 15, 2007

Boy, do gift cards come in handy

Hanukkah is blessedly over for this year. I'm so glad we don't have to think about shopping or going into a store or even dealing with loved ones anymore. But my kids got a lot of gift cards for Hanukkah this year and they wanted to spend them, of course. No way was I setting foot in Target or Barnes and Noble until after the New Year. Today my daughter asked me if she could shop on line at Target using her gift cards and I was stunned to remember that yes, of course you can. Easy peasy! Plus, she had quite a big stash of money on the cards, so she got free shipping, which means that it not only was easier, but more pleasant than going into a store. At least for her.
Bedding
She's not quite the same kind of on-line shopper I am. She likes to look at EVERY freaking page and check out all the items. On a site as big as Targets, it can take hours. I got bored after a while and wandered away, but she found just what she was looking for, new bedding, and she purchased it with some remaining cash on the card. The bedding will be shipped soon, it will arrive early next week which is almost instant gratification and she was thrilled.

Barnes and Noble wasn't as easy. First of all, she isn't interested in books, so she only wanted to look at the DVDs, and their selection is poor at best. She decided on the last Harry Potter movie, which I thought was overpriced, but it's what she wanted that they had. Then I wanted to get a book, but their book selection is even worse than their movie selection. I don't shop there, as I'm a big supporter of the independent bookstore right up the street from us, New England Mobile Book Fair. When you live a couple of blocks from the Book Fair, why would you EVER shop at Barnes and Noble or Borders? So I don't.  I finally found a book I did want to read, after going through bazillions of pages of popular fiction I have no interest in, and we made our purchase.

Except that Barnes and Noble does not allow you to use multiple gift cards on-line. So you go through all the rigmarole of the on-line purchase, and then you have to call their 800 number and give them all the numbers off the gift cards. That's a really crappy ecommerce practice, and I'm shocked to see it in this day and age.

So my recommendation is, use your gift cards online if you get free shipping. It's so much easier than trying to find a parking space in the malls right now.

September 05, 2007

True (school) colors

When I was young, my parents sent my sister and me to a small, private Catholic elementary school.  In kindergarten little more was required of us than sleeping on the appropriate mat at nap time (do they even do that anymore in kindergarten?) and showing up properly clothed and washed, which usually meant clean play clothes with no rips or tears.

Once we graduated from kindergarten and became first graders it became a requirement to don skirts or dresses, for the girls, and dress pants, collared shirts and clip on ties for the boys.  And this was strictly enforced.  If you showed up in something other than the required dress your mother would be called and you'd have to spend the time waiting for her in the principal's office.

Even in winter the girls would have to wear a skirt or dress of some sort and if the weather got below a certain temperature we were begrudgingly allowed to wear dress pants under our skirts.  Tres chic.

Although, occasionally I wore culottes to school.  I felt like such a rebel.

This dress code went on for some time until about five or so years ago, when the perceived guidelines of "dress attire" was strained to the breaking point, with colored denim jeans being passed off for slacks and sweatshirts or t-shirts being worn on days other than the hard won "grub days".  The principal decided that a dress code was in order, or more to the point, a school uniform.

Sure, the kids hated it at first but from what I heard from my mother, who was then still alive and working at the school as its secretary, it became easier and easier to convince the children that the uniform could be worn with pride.

But these were elementary school children.

And the uniform was required at a private school.

This year at Lawrence High School in Lawrence, MA a mandatory school dress code is now being enforced.  And it's not just dress pants and skirts, but full uniforms with collared polo shirts and khaki pants.

The school is broken up into six smaller schools based on the student's prime area of study  - for instance, math, science and technology or health and human services - and this year administrators are requiring students to wear color-coded uniforms to indicate which school they belong to.

"It's unusual," said Superintendent Wilfredo T. Laboy, who launched the six schools within one as part of his educational overhaul effort for city schools. "But all the research that supports uniforms shows that it creates team spirit, it creates identity, it creates collaboration."  (source:  Boston Globe)

This was a big topic of discussion on the local radio talk shows today.  Lawrence High is a public school.  Are civil liberties being trampled on?  Are administrators crossing a line by making school uniforms in a public, city funded school mandatory?  Does having a school uniform hinder a student's individuality and ability to express themselves through their clothing?  Or does this cut down on the amount of obscenely low-waisted jeans that show off a girl's thong - not to mention the low-wasted pants that show off a boy's boxers?

The uniforms are not being paid for by the city.  Parents can purchase their children's uniforms through three stores in Lawrence for much cheaper than a pair of trendy jeans.

I don't know how I feel about this personally.  My daughter isn't even old enough for pre-school (now that is a whole other issue entirely) so the possibility of school uniforms is not really in our near future.  If I sent her to a private school I wouldn't take issue with mandatory uniforms, but I will admit that enforcing this in public schools has made me think.

What if this had been the rule when I was in high school?  I certainly wouldn't have liked it.  But it would have saved me from matching my Cosby sweater with my double layers of slouchy socks and pinch rolling my pants.

Maybe uniforms aren't such a bad idea after all.