Yesterday was "Black Friday". I didn't leave the house. I don't step into any store besides the grocery and pharmacy from Thanksgiving until after New Years Day. If I can't find what I need online, I don't shop. I absolutely hate the insanity that is the 'holiday seaason'.
As a non-practicing, non-observing resident of the Unites States, it is expected that I celebrate Christmas. I don't. I never have, I never will. I'm Jewish. We don't DO Christmas. We also don't do a big huge Hanukkah. We believe that Hanukkah is a small, non-important holiday. Our big holidays are either in the fall or spring, but not this time of year. It isn't our 'holiday season' at all. But so many people believe that Hanukkah is the "Jewish Christmas" and they couldn't be more incorrect. Hanukkah is not an important holiday at all. In fact, the only thing that it has in common with Christmas is that it's observed this time of year.
Observant Jews celebrate Hanukkah by lighting their hanukiah, which most people incorrectly call a menorah. A Hanukiah has 8 branches and a shamash, or helper candle. A menorah has 6 branches and a shamash. The national symbol of Israel is a menorah. A hanukiah has 8 branches to commemorate the story of Chanukah. After lighting the hanukiah, we sing 3 prayers the first night, and two each subsequent night. We play the dreidel game, and use gelt (chocolate coins) to 'gamble'. We eat latkes, potato pancakes, and sufganiyot, jelly donuts. Foods fried in oil are traditional. In some families, small gifts are exchanged.
In the US, many Jewish families were made to feel that competing with Christmas was acceptable, and in the 50's and 60's Hanukkah escalated from a small holiday with little religious significance to a gift giving extravaganza amongst some families. Other, more observant families, never really bought into this notion of competition with Christmas.
Our family is sort of in between. We don't believe in giving huge gifts, we don't spend enormous sums of money on our children, and we certainly don't try to compete with Christmas. But my children do get small gifts, mostly clothing, for Chanukkah.
What bothers me, as a Jewish parent trying to raise my children Jewishly, is that the craziness of the retailers during this season is so exclusive. Christmas is EVERYWHERE. Even in our very Jewish community, the signs are unmistakable. It's CHRISTMAS, and damn it, you must celebrate it by spending as many dollars as you can right this minute! I hate this. I hate that Christmas has become a 2-month long holiday, if not more. I hate that it's so intrusive that if you don't celebrate it, you feel the need to hybernate to stay away from it. I hate that this holiday has taken on such significance that it's religious roots have been swept away. I find the whole season totally depressing.
For my kids, it's even harder. When they were little, every shopkeeper and cashier felt the need to ask them what Santa was going to bring them. Um, assume much? I took to wearing an "No Santa" sticker on my coat every year just to give people a hint, but it didn't work. Everywhere we went, people said "Merry Christmas!". I know they meant to be nice. I know it's friendly. I get that. But it's also highly exclusionary and it makes Jewish people feel very very small and unwanted. We call it the December Dilemma. There's even a kid's song about it, written and performed by local Rabbi David Paskin.
December Dilemma
words and music by Rabbi David Paskin
It's the middle of the month of December
The streets now are dressed in red and green
There's a sign up in a store-only nine days more
It's depressing if you know what I mean.
In the mall take a picture with Santa
On every corner you can buy a Christmas tree
The weather says it will be white
on that very special night
Why can't that night be special for me?
CHORUS
What am I gonna do? (2x)
My friends are waitin' on red and white and I'm just feelin' blue...please tell me...
What am I gonna do? (2x)
Sometimes it seems like such a bore to live as a Jew.
My friends think that dreidel is corny
I have to say I partially agree
While s'vivon is nice they'd rather string the Chirstmas lights
Hey yeh, but...Rudolph is no Judah Maccabee!
On the radio they're singin' Merry Christmas,
on T.V. every channel's got the Scrooge
So I sing my Maoz Tzur what it means, I'm not sure,
my dilemma now has gotten really huge…CHORUS
Then one day while my Rabbi was speaking
she saw a mournful look in my eye
She said, "Son I have a clue about what you're goin' through,
and I have a remedy for you to try."
"Think back on all those times with your family
Lightin' candles every week on Friday night.
In the Sukkah, Rosh Hashanah, reading from the Hagaddah
and eight nights of Hanukkah light.
"Could it be - there's more to the picture
More than first catches the eye.
With a gift like the Torah who needs just one big hurrah
Each day the only limit is the sky!
"You don't have to...stand in line or watch the time or hope you find a parking space
No need to...spend your cash on costly trash hoping that it doesn't break.
And there's no...wrapping paper, "tell me later!" temporary loss of sanity.
There's no...assembly or, "what's for me?!" it even comes with batteries."
So I said, "Rabbi, what exactly are you saying?"
And she said, "Son, let me make it crystal clear,
If you're feelin' kinda down, you need not but look around
Being Jewish is full of joy and cheer!"
I think I know what I'm gonna do, what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna spend my time all year long celebrating with you.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, here's what I'm gonna do…
I'm gonna live my life as a...Jew!
Passionately written. Points well-taken.
As a Christian, I too have many struggles with this season... as it has come to pass.
I have no answers. As one person, I can only teach my grandchildren, as I did my own children, about religions and cultures different from their own. Knowledge is the key to respect.
The commercialization of Christmas is now a societal concern that must be met. "How" is, I suspect, up to each individual and family. Your words are a perfect place to start. Thank you...
Sharon - Pinks & Blues
Posted by: Pinks & Blues Girls | November 24, 2007 at 09:07 AM
Although Christmas is my favorite holiday, I can understand where you are coming from. I just try to enjoy the 'spirit' of the season and block out all the madness. We aren't Jewish or Christian, so we employ the 'live and let live' school of belief when it comes time to be respectful at the holidays.
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | November 24, 2007 at 10:25 AM
Even as a Catholic, I can see your point. Even I get frustrated with how "commercial" the holiday has become. I also agree that there is no reason for it to start in October (or earlier)!
Posted by: Margaret | November 24, 2007 at 03:56 PM