Trying to Understand the Unthinkable

I worry about my kids just like every other parent.  Is that cough turning into croup?   Does she have dyslexia?  Will he ever speak? 

In the car I count them:  "One, two, three!  Do I have you all?"  Half joking, half serious; I don't want to get miles away and realize that I left one of them behind. 

Whenever I hear or read a story about a child hurt or killed by another adult, I immediately think of my own kids.  Oh God, if anyone ever tried to hurt my kids. . .I think I'd be capable of doing just about anything to protect them.

One of the most invaluable books I've read as a parent is, Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker.  More than anything, this book has helped me to see that my intuition and inner voice is important and strong and necessary.  It taught me that the adage, "Don't Talk to Strangers" isn't only false, but confusing and potentially dangerous to a child.  To tell your child to "look for a police officer" if they get lost could be terrible advice.  I am now reading his earlier book, The Gift of Fear, which is similarly sobering and insightful. 

Last night, I read the heartbreaking follow-up to the story of the aunt who died with her toddler niece and nephew while trying to cross Rt. 495 in Lowell one evening. . .in the dark. . . on foot.  The story sounded so odd that I hoped there could be a logical explanation for her behavior.  Was someone in the car that they were trying to escape?  Did she think the car was about to explode?  Was she trying to save the children from something?

Unfortunately, the conclusion of murder-suicide only makes this tragedy even more unbearable.  The report that the aunt had  "a brief history of mental illness" and had received treatment for an unspecified condition in the past year tells us both a little and a lot.  However, I believe that, without a doubt, her family had no idea that she was capable of harming anyone.

But, I do wonder, were there any signs?  Did anything seem different about her behavior?  I don't question this because of a need to 'blame' anyone for missing something;  I question this because I want to believe that there may have been some sign.  I want to believe that the switch from 'sanity' to 'madness' is not something that happens in the flick of a switch or in the turning of a key in an ignition.

Comments

[Life As I Know It]

I just read about this in the Globe this morning. Terrible tragedy.
I know what you mean about how sane to insane can't happen in an instant. Can it?
I just feel terrible for the family and the parents of the kids.
Awful.

[rachel]

I've been haunted by that story since I heard it on the radio. It's harder to accept situations that don't make any sense. very upsetting.

[margalit]

This story has been haunting me, too. Something was off right from the beginning, even before they declared it a murder suicide. Knowing as I do the terrible state of mental health care in Massachusetts (damn you Mitt Romney, may you rot in hell) it doesn't surprise me at all to hear that she got minimal help for her illness. It's all anyone gets in this state right now. All we can do is hope that as the murder rate in Dorchester skyrockets and these horrible tragedies keep occurring, that Deval Patrick and the state legislature will restore the cuts to mental health clinics and keep our citizens safe.

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

This story has haunted me as well. It's chilling.

[Kate]

I truly hope, for the surviving family's sake, that it was a sudden-onset psychosis coupled with an inability to control her impulses. Because if there were signs and symptoms, if there was some sort of warning, then they will have to live with that guilt on top of the grief and horror of it all.

Ugh.

[Just Seeking]

These tragedies scare the heck out of me too. How could they not notice that she was on the brink? were the parents in such a state of desperation that they needed to rely on her when really they shouldn't have? It really freaks me out.
I can say this here because I'm sure it couldn't get back to her ears, but I have let my aunt take my kids as far as the next state because I was overly trusting. Some months later, she was hospitlized for something and I asked the nurse in private, "is there anything I should be concerned about?" and the nurse literally said, "Well, without breaking confidentiality, I would say that I would never, ever let this woman take your children anywhere---she's on much too much of a daily dose of narcotics." OMG! Never again will I be so trusting.

[Manic Mommy]

Saturday's Globe had pictures of the kids. We were commenting how life-alteringly awful this was to the driver(s) that hit them. This story chills me. I believe the aunt just had a 'break.'

As for keeping my boys safe, I bought the John Walsh/Baby Einstein Stranger Safety video but haven't watched it yet. Same goes for the "My Body is My Own" book we haven't read. It's a start but one I've been thinking about more and more.

[Destiny Amateur]

A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make the speech for conservation.