Attack of the Working Mother Guilt

My work hours are from 8:45 to 4:45, Monday through Friday.

Sounds about normal, right?

HOWEVER...

When I factor my commute time into the equation, including the time I'm driving in the car to get to/from the train station...to get to/from Boston...

I am away from the Trenches for practically 60 hours a week.

Talk about a light bulb moment punch in the face.

Wow.

*sigh*

This factoid was made even more crystal clear yesterday morning as I was getting ready to leave and Baby had a meltdown.

We had been snuggling together on the couch, watching this DVD (still his favorite after all this time!).  He still had that morning, breakfast syrupy, pee pee diaper, little boy smell.  I gave him our usual "a kiss, a hug, and a squeeeeze!" and went to gather my belongings.

Cue hysteria.

(Meanwhile, Eldest and Middle were in another room, fully absorbed in the hijinks on Home Alone 2 and had both barely acknowledged my impending departure with nonchalant see-yas.  Thankfully.)

So I trudged into the kitchen, coat on, work bag slung over my shoulder to find Baby, in full spread-eagle position, his footy-pajamaed pint-size body pressed up against the back door, crocodile tears mixing with snot running down his ruddy cheeks.

"You tan't doe, Mommy.  I no let you doe ta wurk."

Ooof.  My heart.

I remember one of my friends saying to me after I told her that I was going back to work full time, "Oh, you'll like your children so much more!"

'Tis true, Jodie.  'Tis true.

I appreciate family time on the weekends now.  In fact, I savor it.  Yet, at the same time, I realize that I'm failing to carve out moments to focus solely on the boyz, whether it's playing games, doing puzzles, coloring, or just simply snuggling.  Instead, I'm trying to multi-task, to be "fun Mommy who's home today", yet still complete all the household tasks and chores that I don't have the time for during the week--namely, laundry and cleaning.  So although I'm home physically--mentally?  Not so much.

[As an aside, Hubby has been simply amazing during my transition to full-time employment.  He does far more for the boyz AND in the Trenches than I ever expected, realized or dreamed.  Truly.]

Thus, I've mentioned to Hubby that it's my desire to take the boyz somewhere special for a weekend, like here or here.

Somewhere that we can enjoy being a family without the distractions of everyday life.

Somewhere the boyz can burn off their pent-up energy from being cooped up inside this long winter.

Somewhere Hubby and I can marvel at how far our family has come over the past 3 years.

Somewhere we can remark how thankful we are to finally be able to do something like this.

Somewhere we can breathe a sigh of relief that we're past diaper bags, bottles, and cribs!

So can you help me out?

1.  Your ideas for any fun family weekend getaways in New England; and

2.  Tips for maximizing family time on the weekends whilst minimizing The Guilt.

Comments

[Kerry]

Breaks MY heart to read your post - I can so related to feeling like you are missing out on quality time. I had to sign my kids up for summer camps today - the first time ever. I was so scared to talk with them last night to let them know that they will be going to camp this year because mommy is working. You are lucky that you actually crave the family time I know some people who just want/need to be left alone on the weekends because of their stressed work life. Now that really breaks my heart! Sounds like your husband is great and it will get better! Love your blog :)

[Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck]

I know exactly how you feel. I did it for 2 years and then I could take no more...I was lucky enough to have a job where it was possible for me to work from home. Now I am working from home part-time and the kids are here with me. I really had trouble balancing the work I had to do at the house with my desire to have actual quality time with my kids...I basically just had to say it was ok for the house to be a mess every now and then. I think a weekend away is a GREAT idea!

[Kate]

Understood precisely.

I don't think there's a cure for the guilt, except to outlive it and prove to yourself, as the Boyz get older and are not in prison, that you did something right.

But the weekend-away thing, I hear you. That's why we've adopted my parents' old tent, and try to get away for the occasional camping trip. Just nearby, for $15 a night, to escape the house and distractions. (Though if Willem succeeds in knocking me up, you'd better believe I won't be sleeping on the ground, thankyouverymuch.)

[amy]

Weekends away are really a good idea. Last weekend I was home alone with the baby and my husband flew up to Notre Dame with Shark Boy to see the basketball game. We all had a blast! I enjoyed the quiet time with baby.

Sometimes just the zoo or out to the park to ride bikes is all it takes.

You won't accomplish ANYTHING at home, but who cares? It's just dirt.

[T with Honey]

I am so well aquainted with working mommy guilt. Ugh. One of the first things I did to help get over it was to just stop counting those hours and just take the special moments with my daughter when they come.

I don't have any suggestions for #1.

As for #2:
Laundry - if you normally do it all at once give up that approach. Do one load per weeknight. After dinner I quickly throw a load into the washer and put whatever was in the washer into the dryer. Then after Princess is in bed I quickly fold the stuff in the dryer and bring the basket upstairs with me and then put items on top of the owner's dresser. Eventually they may get put away but that doesn't really matter.

For more week night quality time try your best to get the family together for dinner. Sometimes that's the only time we really talk about stuff - either the parents or with Princess.
Limit night time TV. Even multi-player video games will provide a better bonding experience - with the exception of Friday night family movie night with popcorn, of course. That's the time where we all snuggle on the couch or living room floor together!

[Shauna Loves Chocolate]

I can totally relate to it all. So true. Balancing work and family is not easy. I've learned to let things go. The house doesn't need to be spotless (like it ever was? more like letting the dream go...), I only go through my mail once a week after the kids are in bed. I get less sleep, but it's more restful, so I figure that's that trade-off.

And I spend alone time with each kid for at least 10 minutes a night. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it makes a difference.

[Alex Elliot]

I don't have any insightful advice, but I can say that even as a stay at home, I don't spend nearly as much time doing playdough, arts and crafts, puzzles etc. as I would like to do. I think mommy guilt can be found everywhere.

[nuanuckitueve]

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